'I wish I'd hadn't worked so hard' and other great regrets of the dying... as revealed by former nursing home carer
- Bronnie Ware has written a book about her experiences looking after the terminally ill
By GRAHAM SMITH
Last updated at 2:39 PM on 30th January 2012
It is something none of us wants to contemplate - lying on our death bed worrying about the things we should have done.
Now a former nurse who cared for the terminally ill has revealed the five most common regrets of the dying.
Bronnie Ware spent several years working in palliative care in Australia, looking after patients in the last three to 12 weeks of their lives.
Recollections: Former nurse Bronnie Ware spent years working in palliative care in Australia, looking after patients in the last three to 12 weeks of their lives
During that time, she became accustomed to hearing the elderly reveal their biggest regrets.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, it is the simple things in life, like staying in touch with friends and being true to yourself, that most people wished they had been able to achieve.
Ms Ware found that men regretted working too hard, while many people wish they had had the courage to more frequently express their feelings.
Book: The Top Five Regrets of the Dying - A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing
Inspired by what she discovered, Ms Ware has written a book -The Top Five Regrets Of The Dying: A Life Transformed By The Dearly Departing - about her experiences.
She said: 'My patients were those who had gone home to die and some incredibly special times were shared.
'People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality and some changes were phenomenal.
'Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected - denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance.
'Every single patient found their peace before they departed though.
'When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again.'
Ms Ware recorded the most frequent five regrets in the elderly as:
- I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
'This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.'
- I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
'This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.'
- I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
'Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.'
'Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.'
'This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives.Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
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